Polyamorous Relationship Rules to Help Balance Your Life

Samantha Elise Oscar By Samantha Elise Oscar  – October 22, 2016
Polyamorous Relationship Rules to Help Balance Your Life

Polyamorous Relationship Rules

Looking for the best polyamorous dating sites? We’d always recommend Adult Friend Finder and ALT.com. But being in a poly relationship is more than just juggling a bunch of partners; it’s about being able to handle more than one emotional and physical relationship at the same time. Polyamory works differently for different people, so finding the right balance of boundaries and intimacy is essential. These polyamorous relationship rules will help you to manage these relationships and keep your life balanced. Just remember that not every rule works for every person, so be respectful enough to try and work within your partners’ parameters.

The Not-So-Common Relationship

Currently, 21 percent of people are involved in a relationship where they allow their partner to have a romantic relationship with others. For some who have never done this before, it can be a big adjustment and can take some getting used to. This is one of the first things that you have to come to terms with if you want a polyamorous relationship. Down the line, one or more of your partners may not be able to cope as easily. Letting go of those who can’t handle all the added emotional baggage is part of finding out how polyamory works best in your life. Experience has shown that as you get more and more clear with yourself and your partners about what does and doesn’t work for you, you’ll get closer to the types of relationships that will work well in the long term.

Open and Closed Relationships

There are two different ways to engage with your partners’ other arrangements. There are those who want to know everything about every partner involved, the closed relationship, and open relationships, where you may not know some of the partners that the person you are involved with is connected to. Both are fine, it just takes a clear understanding at the start to help develop trust and a shared container. When your partner understands you are interested in a closed relationship, they will open up about their other partners. With the open relationship, you have to be willing to trust your partner and their choices outside your relationship, which can take some getting used to.

Primary Versus Equal

To complicate matters even further, there can be a structure within a polyamorous relationship that people new to the lifestyle may not be aware of. Some want to have a primary partner, one they treat like a spouse, who they share a house with, pay bills with, and spend the majority of their time with. Relationships outside the main relationship are all secondary. Still, the partners acknowledge these relationships  and there are no secrets. For others, every relationship is considered equals, so no one partner is considered more important than any other. Polyamory is about open communication, love on terms that work for everyone involved, and most importantly respect. Things can move along peacefully and within certain boundaries. This can even be true when a married couple has partners on the side.

One of the ways that people make these relationships work is by setting some very clear boundaries at the start. This is really the theme for all of our polyamorous relationship rules. For example, a married couple might agree that each person can have a relationship outside the marriage. But they don’t want to see or hear about their spouse’s extra-marital relationship. This is a boundary. Some couples like to talk about the experiences they have with other people. Conversely, others accept what is going on but prefer not to know details. Find out what works for you so you can share this information and set boundaries to keep everyone happy.

Concluding the Polyamorous Relationship Rules

When it comes to polyamorous relationship rules, boundaries go a long way. Don’t expect instant success; these relationships are unique and a little trial and error may be necessary. Everyone has different emotional needs and your needs might be in conflict with someone else’s. Being clear and direct with partners can help you create a perfect balance that works for everyone.


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Samantha Elise Oscar
Samantha Elise Oscar
Author, Dating Expert Extraordinare
At DatingPerfect, we’re lucky to have Samantha as a regular contributor and key researcher. A dating expert at her core, Samantha’s knowledge of the dating space spans many provocative topics, from marriage tips to sugar dating how-to’s. Samantha has her finger on the online dating pulse and keeps us plugged in to dating’s newest trends, most surprising twists, and biggest stories. Is there a topic you’d love to see Samantha cover? Please contact us if you have an idea for a future story and we’ll get Samantha on it. Thanks for reading!
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